Family Ties and Keeping in Touch

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Recently while talking to my Father’s younger brother, my Uncle mentioned with a touch of marvel in his voice, that my in-laws have sooo many relatives and there is constantly something or other going on amongst them isn’t it?

I said “Yes… “. I reflected that here at my Paternal Uncle’s side, we somehow never experienced these things !. Uncle said “We do not have any such relations cause all our relatives were much much elder to us. You see, all my uncles were of my grandfather’s age and their children means my cousins were of my father’s age. So there were no common factors for us to stay in contact.”

This got me thinking………

I remember by Mother-in-law as well as my Father-in-law used to urge us to go visit the elderly in the family, check if they need any thing and if nothing else spend time with them to make them happy.

As age advanced and my in-laws could not travel much, all our relatives would invariably gather at our house and include them in their conversations, discussions and decisions. While planning any religious function or celebration, my in-laws being the eldest in the family were always consulted and invited. This I find sadly missing in my Paternal Uncle’s family.

I think, Building and maintaining relationships requires “work” as in making conscious and sustained effort to maintain and improve connections with others. Maintaining family ties and staying connected involves consistent efforts through regular communication, shared experiences and a commitment to mutual support by being available to listen, offer advice and provide encouragement when needed to foster a sense of trust and closeness.

1. Creating and upholding family traditions: Festival celebrations, poojas, religious events like thread ceremony, engagements, marriages, etc, annual holiday gatherings or birthday dinners, provide structure and continuity in the family life. And I don’t mind the physical work involved for the festivities and celebrations, but rather I enjoy it all when people come.

2. Intimacy: Staying involved in each other’s lives, whether through attending events or offering support, demonstrates care and strengthens the relationship. I always make it a point to show up (be there).

3. Time and attention: Making time for quality time together and listening to each other are activities that foster connection. Sunday mornings are visit by my cousin brother-in-law and evening sister-in-law would visit with family for many years.

Communication means developing the ability to communicate openly and honestly about feelings, needs and concerns.

1. Open and honest dialogue: Being able to talk freely without fear of being validated. For this to happen, both sides need to give up being judgemental, and I must be the first to implement it by communicating openly about feelings, needs and concerns.

2. Active listening: Listening attentively with involvement seeking to understand each other’s perspective. This should normally originate from my side rather than expecting from others so that it is usually reciprocated.

3. Constructive conflict resolution: Learning to navigate disagreements and conflicts in a healthy way, without resorting to negativity, blame or defensiveness. This part is rather difficult as I learnt the hard way. I am still learning.

Growth and accountability Being aware of your own behaviours, patterns and emotional responses.

1. Taking responsibility for your actions: Owning up for mistakes and apologising are the two things that help to make up for our faults.

2. Willingness to change: Being willing to adapt and change your own behaviour, supports the relationship

3. Commitment to growth: An ongoing process of growth and development that contributes to a healthier and more fulfilling relationship

In short, maintaining family ties is the ongoing effort to cultivate a strong, loving, and fulfilling connection through intentional actions, open communication and a commitment to personal and relational growth.

(LEENA)